An Unexpected Gift II

"My dearly loved brothers and sisters, don't be misled. When you receive a good gift, a perfect gift, an unexpected gift, do not be surprised. It comes to us courtesy of the Father of lights. But remember this: He is not one to trick you or hide in the shadows. He is consistently good and does not change. Remember, too, that we have a special role in His plan. He calls us to life by His message of truth so that we will show the rest of His creatures His goodness and love." - James 1:16-18 (the voice)

I am humbled in the deepest, truest way. I do not deserve or expect the unbelievable gifts God has given me. Last night I was crippled by lies. My soul sunken deep in my chest and my self worth brushed beyond recognition. I was tricked into believing that someone I truly care about not only did not care for me, but never truly had. I bought into the deception...at each moment trying to convince myself otherwise.

My first love and constant companion came swooping down like a shining white knight to rescue me from my despair.  The words of truth and love poured over me cleansing my broken soul. I cried tears of joy and relief, like a new mother seeing her precious baby for the first time. My hot tears cleansed the blindness from my eyes and released me from the lies. I am loved! I am beautiful! I am special! I am worthwhile! I am a gift!

My night did not have to end this way, it could have ended in tears of a totally different sort.  Instead, truth wrapped me in it's loving arms and carried me home.  I did nothing to deserve anything better than the worst but I received the best!  Once again I am saved from my own destructive nature.

The love I felt that night is nothing of this world. Heaven kissed my lips with a "sloppy wet kiss" from a Father that never lets me down!  My life belongs to Him...my soul longs to be home in His arms. Until my final day He deserves all the glory my feeble life has to give.

-Peace

An unexpected gift

Today as I literally fly through my day I, at moments, experience a pang of loneliness. My logic tells me to, "let it go", my emotions tell me, "it's hopeless" and my dreams tell me, "it's not always gonna be like this."

It just so happens that this time my response released great joy into my life. As I put pen to paper expressing my love to someone dear to my heart my loneliness vanished. Frost melted from my veins, pumping love instead of disappointment.

This time giving part of myself away filled a void instead of causing one. Is this the answer - giving love without expectation? What does it look like to give your life like it's not your own? Whatever it looks like I want it. I want it to stream from me enveloping those around me.

I know that loneliness still resides in the crevices of my life. What I am certain of today is that the more I give the more love washes the loneliness away every time it reappears. So today I give you a piece of myself without expectation, believing that love will touch your heart through these words.

-Peace

"Let it go"

It was 3am and I heard a ringing in the back of my mind. Three times it rang then a sleepy familiar voice sounded in my ear. "Hello, hello, hello is anyone there?" It took me a second to respond, "hello". I heard a sigh and then a "let it go, dude - sorry it's not you...I'm just frustrated!" Then silence -

The next thing I know I'm wide awake. I look around my room....what just happened.  I check my phone, it's on the charger - no calls made. Was this literally a wake up call?

As I lay in my bed pondering what life/God was trying to tell me the shadows began to fade and the sun rose to show clearly the truth I had been missing for far too long.

I was holding on, holding on to so many things that weren't mine, living with a sense of entitlement. Every time I gave a piece of myself away I subconsciously decided I was owed something in return.  The truth I learned last night was it's time to let it go. Let go of everything and everyone that I was holding ransom. In my heart there lived a list of hurt and pain I would occasionally bring to the surface to ensure my unhappiness.

The voice called out to me tired and gruff - let it go. The words continued to repeat in my head - haunting me.  Let it go, let it go, let it go! A whisper nudging at my heart - my life - my soul, with deep desire to be set free.

Today is my breakthrough. A footstep set firmly on my path of healing. Everything is dust. This world has taught me, it's diligent student, that I can "have" and "control". Everything I "have" has simply been loaned to me. When I die I will "have" nothing and everything I "control" will become dust.

So, as I am painfully aware of this giant human flaw I have a choice - ignore the truth or begin the harsh naked process of letting it go.

This is my journey - a challenge to walk in the light of truth. I am here to plant seeds of love and forgiveness and in it's due season to reap a plentiful harvest of peace.

Welcome to the peace grove.