Push

The sun stirs stretching it's limbs above the horizon.
Struggle floats in the air chilled with uncertainty.
A song whispered from the winds of change.

In the new light we see what's survived the night.
Awakening leaves deaths stench in the sheets.
Strangled by cords from lives left behind.

Pressure rises and falls forcing the weak to gain strength.
Once home, now it's washed away leaving blood stains.
Nothing to grasp, pain beckons give in to the strain.

Light that blinds stings the eyes bringing forth it's new life.
Filled where emptiness did lie, too late for compromise.
Blackness once in my mind painted with sands of time.

A reminder to self.

I was raised to believe a lot of things about life. They were great things at the time and helped me grow. They showed me what it looks like to be a good person and put others first. I look back and realize without those teachings I would not be the person that I am today and am truly grateful. With that being said I also realize to have awareness and self truth you cannot be governed by man's ideas and politics. Everyone is open to manipulation and I try hard to stay true to the beliefs my heart and soul tell me are right.

I value love above all else. It seems this world is riddled with hatred and everyone calls it something else to hide the truth. Hatred is masked as self-righteousness, truth, justice, entitlement, judgement and much more that makes me sick to my stomach.  We should not have to be told how to be good people. You shouldn't need to read it in a book to know it's the right way to be or that love is the best option. People judge because they are scared of the truth that is buried inside of themselves. Why is being vulnerable so hard for people to do? Why is it so hard to say, "there is so much imperfection in life, in the universe, in myself and because of that let's just love each other in spite of it all!"?

These are questions I ask myself because I have been there. I have been the one judging. I have been the one hating. I have been the one believing everything I was fed was truth. At the end of the day who I am and what I believe is 100% my responsibility. Not because some one told me to believe it, not because it's in a book, but because I did the true hard work of exploration. I discovered it through living life. And if you did that how can anyone say you are wrong. How can anyone say the way you love and who you love is not right. I don't know you. I haven't seen what you have. I haven't been on the road you have. Hatred has broken me so many times and love has renewed me every time. So my choice is to love even when it hurts....especially when it hurts. My choice is forgiveness instead of anger. My choice is understanding instead of judgement. My choice is experience instead of commandments.

I act the way I do because I have chosen to be who I am. I didn't miraculously become this person...it took grit and guts, rejection and suffering. I look in the mirror and am proud that I am who I am. I am proud that I am unconventional. That my life is surrounded by beauty even if I'm the only one that can see it. I am proud that I have shattered hatred and judgement in my life. I am proud that I stood up for myself. I know who I am and I know I will always choose love...maybe not every time in every situation but at the end of the day it will be in my heart.

This is a reminder to myself to always question, always explore, always evolve, always chose the hard road, always look deep into my own self instead of judging someone else, always love. I will remember that the only one that can truly hurt me is myself. I will remember that we never arrive but we always journey.